Abigail
Some probably think ( I know you do) how could or can I do it?
Isn’t it better to for a child to have a “safe” childhood with no moving around and knowing what is going to happen every day?
I agree, but I’m not fortunate to have a family just like any other family. I made a choice 2 years ago moving back to Denmark, before that I made another choice moving to the states. All of the choices has been very difficult, trust me. I probaly think more about it, then you ever will do. My child has a father on the other side of the world, she is half American and she has every right to see her dad and he has the right to see her. No matter how much I miss her, she is half American and half Danish, no one can take that away from her and she will be traveling for the rest of her life. And the missing is terrible, I’m not sure how I can explain how it feels. I have been through a whole lot of feelings, sometimes I felt like a manio/depressive person, one moment I could be extremely happy, 5 minutes later, I would be trying to call my baby in the middle of the night. I have had panic attacks, feelings of depression and sometimes I even looked if there was a cheap ticket to go see her, just for a day. When time went by it became easier, the missing was not to bad and I was able to live somehow normal again. I used all my energy on school, on working out and I kind of wore myself out, totally. I tried to set up some goals to have something to do, when I have the chance and I almost got everything done, before she will be back in Denmark.
If you wonder why she was going to stay with her father for so long, here is the reason why. A year ago I applied for a job in the ICU at the local hospital. This would mean that I had to go through a two year education program to become an ICU nurse. ( this is how its done in DK after you are an RN) I knew that schooling would take 6 weeks total, but I didn’t know it would be spread out for 6 months. I called my ex-husband and asked if he would take care of our daughter while I went to school, because I knew it would be very difficult being alone 24/7 with a 3 hers old, trying to study in a town 1,5 hours drive away, with no car and little money. He agreed right away and so did my mother in law, so all I needed was to get the job. I was almost certain I didn’t get it, cause its so difficult to get a job these days. But I did, and at that time 2014 seemed so far away. Time ran extremely fast, before I knew it, it was 2014 and I had to travel to the states with my daughter and it seemed very unreal. I know there is women all over the states who are doing the same when they depart with the military and I deeply respect them for the choice they made. When I think of that I don’t really have anything to complain over, but still it can’t remove the way I feel. Denmark and USA is very different when it comes to having opions when it comes to this and I almost think I lost some friendships doing this. I try never to judge people for how they have a family, we are all very different, some are very fortunate to have met the right guy at the right moment, others are like me, I met someone and got divorced. Im not 100 % sure why it didn’t last, I have my thoughts and my theories, but I never really figured out how fast a relationship can get destroyed. I don’t regret anything, because I would never have had Abigail or the experience or the opportunity to see the world like I always dreamed of.
Im so thankful that I have a ex-husband that I can talk to and that we agree on how we are going to bring up our daughter, because its not easy, but we try and I think we are doing good despite the situation we are in. I love my family over here, I love America, just as much as I love my family back home and Denmark.
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